I HATE HALLOWEEN!!!

I’ve hated this holiday ever since I can remember. I’m really not into scary things and creepy crawlers. Let me explain myself a little bit: anything that is possibility of happening (murder, and mass murdering sprees) do NOT scare me, but things like vampires, warewolves (my BIGGEST FEAR EVER!!) scare me so bad! Yes, this might be the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard, and I see where you’re coming from, but stupid things scare me. Warewolves scare me so bad, that when I saw the “Harry Potter” movie with the ware wolf in it, I ran out screaming. But, make me see like a movie about murders, I’m most likely the kid in there laughing, it just doesn’t make sense to me. One year on Halloween my mom woke me up with a ware wolf mask on, I started bawling crying, then led to hypervenalating. When I would dress up fro Halloween when I was little, I’d always dress up as happy things like; Sporty spice, Rub-a-dub-dub-a girl in a tub, smurf, rapper, you know, like the good things. I ABSOLUTELY HATE HAUNTED HOUSES. If someone were to pay me like $1,000,000 to go in it, I probably wouldn’t do it. Eww and the night before halloween, i always have nightmares about ware wolves…im pretty sure Im cursed..

Surprisngly, it’s going pretty well. I honestly thought that it was going to be impossible, but breaking it down like you said to do really does take the stress level down from like a 20 to like a 4. The thesis took me a long time to do, and like grasp. It took a while to pick my topic and find some concrete evidence on and reflect on. The research is a little sketchy, because I’m still confused on what to research, but I’m finding some information. I have been loosing focus and track lately, because its so much work and so many steps to follow. So if the work seems a little out of order its because I’m extremely ADHD, but the work is there, but may not make sense to an outstider….haha

ahhh it’s over…

To tell you the truth, I was scared when I first found out that I’d be in your class. I thought that the class would be all work and no time to do anything. But, I was wrong. It really isn’t bad at all. It really does help to plan out your time and set aside daily goals for your class. If you do that, the homework load isn’t bad. It took a while to adjust to the blogs, but I kinda like them now, they’re good for venting. The first day that I stepped into your class, I really thought that I was walking through death row. Everyone had made it seem like the class was impossible and a ton of work. So, I was petrified that day and the rest of the week. But, as the month went on, I realized that the class isn’t what everyone had made it out to be. It really is a fun class, if you do all your work. You have an interesting way of making the information sticking to my brain, and I learn new ways of studying everyday. The daily activities that you have planned for us really help.

I’m not into all of the scary movies…not for me. I’m definetly lean towards the comedic movies. I don’t even really like all the mooshy gooshy movies, there’s a few that I can handle and like though. My all time favorite movie is “Super Troopers”, but it’s not that recent and I’ve seen it like a billion times. The most recent movie I’ve seen is “The Love Guru”. The first time I watched it, I found the movie to be a little odd, but it was funny at some points. I loved the cast, but I thought the story line was weird. There were a few “laugh out loud” moments, but other times I sat there in confusion and boredom…haha

Most movies you watch the first time and figure out if you like them or not. But, sometimes you have to watch them a few more times to really understand them and decide if you like them. So, I figured that I’d give it another shot, which I did. Watching it again, I decided that I actually like the movie. The movie consist of dry humor, which I love. I’ve seen it like four or five times now, and I really like it. I think that I’m like the only person who likes, haha but it’s cool, I think it’s really funny!

I’m still freaking out about being a Junior. I’ve been a junior for a full quarter now, and it still scares me. I just posted about how freaked out I was, but I don’t think I was done venting. Venting on these blogs really do help haha. But anyways, my mom keeps annoying me about colleges, and touring them. I keep blowing it off, thinking that I have plenty of time to figure all of this out before next year, but I really don’t. Last night my mom and I got into a small argument about where I want to go for college and she told me that I need to narrow it down soon. I thought to myself that I really only have a few more months until I’m a senior. I don’t think I’m ready to go out into the real world, and actually have to be me on my own. I know that I think I am, but when you sit down adn really think about all of the responsibilities and everything you have to start paying for on your own, it’s really scary and intense. I don’t know the first thing about paying taxes or bills. I have so much to learn in so little time….

well enough with that! I’ll just think positive and hope it goes by slow!!

ACT on Saturday, greaaaaaaat

It’s been a while since I’ve last talk to you, and you’ve missed some bloody good stories! So without further adieu, let’s get started! A few days ago, the Russian traders were talking to Marlow about Kurtz, and as you all know, I am a very noisy person, and so I listened in, just a tad. From what I have heard about the “amazing” Mr. Kurtz, I’m not very fond of him! Did you know, that he was only nice to the natives, just so he could get in good with them and manipulate them to do his work to get more ivory! I could not believe what I had just heard, so many people have only said such wonderous things about this fellow, and all I think of him, is negative thoughts. But, who am I to judge? I shall just find out for myself…so I did, within the next few days when we finally caught up with him and got to meet him. The feeling was a little awkward when we arrived, something bad had happened, the natives look unusually upset and stressed. They were crowded around this body on a stretcher. Come to find out that it was Mr. Kurtz. I wasn’t too sure what happened, but it didn’t look good, I began to fear for his life. This man is a little insane, I find. When we went to his house, he had very odd decorations. He actually had heads placed on sticks that had been chopped off bodies. I think this guy needs some help, that’s just bloody gross(no pun intended aha!)! My thoughts that I originally had of him, are starting to prove themselves to be correct. I’ve always been the type to catch on to someone’s personality and tell what their next move is to be. I, honestly was a little thrilled when I heard Kurtz had passed away, I had no interest in meeting the fellow, after seeing what his house looked like. Marlow is depressed! His idol is dead, and now has no one to look up to! I tried comforting him and telling him that he is now the best! but, i think that mad things worse…OOPS!

MODERNISM….

hmmm, well sometimes I have days where I completely understand it, and then there’s those days where I feel like I’m stupid and don’t get it at all. I tend not to talk in class about modernism, because I’m afraid I over think it and go a little over board with analyzing it and just completely getting it wrong. I just like to sit in class, take notes on what others say, and if my thoughts some how relate to what they say, I will sometimes ask a question or say what I think. But, the majority of the time I freak out, because I’m scared its wrong, and it leads to panic attacks. Right now, when I think of modernism, I think of a form of writing and a time period. It pretty much just goes against the social norms and social traditions. If you have that MEMORIZED you will understand the gist of it. But, it’s a little more complexed than that, it also deals with Imperialism, geography, alientation, stream of conciousness, and there’s not really a set structure. The time period is around WWI

So..IT’S FALL BREAK!! Though I have to read ALOT this weekend, to finish my outside reading, I’m looking forward to Saturday!! Saturday is U-high’s Sadie HAwkins, and I;m going with one of my good friends! I haven’t gotten an outfit yet, so hopefully on Friday I will find the perfect outfit!! I need to find some cowboy boots…I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!! AHH!!

I can’t believe first quarter is almost over…this year is going by way too fast!! I am most definetly not ready to grow up and be a senior…thinking of applying to colleges, just scares the crud out of me! haha! It’s weird, we had our junior ring day meeting, and reality soaked in. To tell you the truth, I am so frightened, and never thought I’d feel this way, but we’re about to be on our own in like a year in a half. THAT IS SO SCARY. I don’t know how to cook, what am I going to do?? hahah

well…the outside reading book is just going to have to be finished over the break!! I’m not very far into the book, at all. I have a lot left to read, but I WILL FINISH it over the break! I am pushing myself to do it! So far while reading it, I have taken notes, highlighted, and underlined characters. I’m just a little confused with the novel, it is quite comedic, but I’m retarded when it comes to reading, and don’t catch on to all the literary devices and hidden meanings. I plan on reading some tonight, because tomorrow is the PSAT, so I want to take a big chunk out of the book tonight! Wednesday I plan to read as soon as I get home from school, and read for about two hours, take a break, then read again. Then Thursday I want to almost finish it!

Lieing on the boat at night, I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Will we finally meet this amazing guy named Kurtz? Marlow only talks good about this man, I wonder if he will be as good as he seems. Spending times with the cannibals, pilgrims, and Marlow only shows me how much I love this!

The weather has been pretty bad, which only hurts us. The darkness and fog contrasted and gave me a weird feeling about the island. The way the natives ran around just made me imagine them as wild animals, it gave me a strange feeling and I don’t really feel safe. They have a way of scaring me and completely taking over my fears, and when they play their drums I only think of one thing, war. Their rituals and their screams, to me only demonstrate danger. I’m not sure if they will attack us in this weather, and Marlow seems to think they won’t attack us in this weather either. It gets a little lonely out there, I miss home. We’re traveling in a place of unkown and complete danger, I hope this can only help us. As we traveled on, we stopped at this hut. There, we found a piece of wood that read;”Wood for you. Hurry up. Approach cautiously.” I didn’t know what to think when we ran across this. i keep thinking about it though, something’s not right.

Of course, the natives attack. It was brutal, i freaked. I almost thought about jumping into the river! Good thing I didn’t because we made it out ok, until Marlow discovered one of the helmsman dead. It frightened all of us.